Dr Wily's Supreme Takeover!
by Nintendo Maximus
Summary: Dr. Wily joins forces with the Nintendo Villains to take over Nintendoland and imprison all the heroes! FINALLY UPDATED! Rated for language.
1. The Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I sure as heck don't own anything featured in this fanfic. They are owned by their respective companies.

**Author's Note:** This is a story I've always wanted to try my hand at. It's a story I've been working on before I even joined FF.net. I tried writing it as part of my earlier fanfic series (which I gave up on in order to write the fanfics I post here). Now I'm resurrecting this story into a new multi-part fanfic. And I know that this idea has already been done before, particularly in Sean Kelly's "Battle of the Video Game Heroes" fanfic episode "Dr. Wily's Time Attacks!" (No offense, SK.) But anyway, here's the prologue for my version - _Dr. Wily's Supreme Takeover_!

* * *

Nintendoland. That was the name for a dimension alternative to the one you and I live in. A dimension where the characters from Nintendo video games lived.

There was an important balance for all things in Nintendoland. For each and every world in this dimension, there was a hero. And for each and every hero, there was an arch-villain who was aiming to take over that world. But that arch-villain was never able to do so, as the hero would always be around to stop them.

But that balance was in for a temporary change once. And that change united the forces of evil on all of Nintendoland's worlds to form a single deadly alliance that nothing could stop. Well, _almost_ nothing, actually. Yes, believe it or not, Nintendoland was almost doomed to the evil hands of the villains! And if it were a permanent change, I wouldn't be able to tell you about it. So let me tell you what happened

The whole semi-cataclysm began one night at Skull Castle, where the mad scientist, Dr. Albert W. Wily, lived. That night was a rather dark and stormy one, as most nights go when it comes to a mad doctor's castle. All sixty-eight of the infamous Robot Masters that the man had created were all resting their circuits in their suspended animation tubes for the night; they had a big day ahead of themselves tomorrow.

Dr. Albert W. Wily himself was in his laboratory, working on a new invention. And it wasn't just some new super-powerful Robot Master like Doc Man or Dark Man. This new invention of Wily's was unlike any other he had made before.

Close by, an ominous spy who worked for Wily, his face obscured by the dark grey shadows, save for his eyes, rested on a couch next to the wall. This spy had been working for Wily for quite some time, and it was he who had inspired Wily to execute this new plan.

Dr. Wily looked, with great pride, at the finished invention on the table in front of him. "Yes... yes... yes! I have done it!" he cried, in his German accent.

"Done what?" the spy asked, lying down comfortably.

The evil scientist turned to his spy and showed him the device. "I've created my greatest invention ever - a ray gun. But not just any ordinary ray gun. A ray gun with devastating effects! Whoever I shoot with this baby shall turn back into a past form of theirs. At last, I shall finally be able to conquer every inch of this miserable galaxy! Heh heh hah ha! _Every inch!!_ And to think, I have you to thank for this wonderful idea."

the spy said, I find it nice to know that _someone _is finally taking my advice. I gotta tell ya, the slug queen I once worked for was never one to take any of the ideas that I suggested.

No, but even _I_ need help with my plans sometimes. And your idea for this, a time-altering ray gun, is just the thing I need to take over Nintendoland! With this gun, I could turn that meddling Mega Moron into nothing but a worthless pile of scrap metal! And with all the Nintendo Heroes out of the way, all of Nintendoland will be mine!!

"Oh-kay," said the spy, rolling his eyes in the other direction, obviously getting tired of his boss's monologue. "So now that you've made the gun of my design, the gun that can threaten the lives of everyone in Nintendoland, what do we do?"

"We shall set a trap for those foolish, pathetic heroes." Wily laughed maniacally. The sound of his cackles echoed around the building, then finally ceased. "Now where is my pen?"


	2. The Invitation

** Disclaimer:** I don't own Pokémon, Banjo-Kazooie, Kirby, Mario, or any other characters featured here. You know who does, though.

Author's Note: I can't really say much this time around, except... enjoy the fic!

* * *

A warm, delightful spring breeze blew around a spacious meadow west of Pallet Town as daffodils glowed in the light of the golden sun. Down below, on a hilltop in the middle of the meadow, Pokémon Master Ashton Ketchum, or Ash as everyone called him, rested his head on the lap of his beloved sweetheart, Misty Waterflower, as Pikachu lapped up the ketchup bottle. Misty's Togepi wandered around aimlessly, as usual.

"Aahhh... it feels so good to be out here," Ash grinned as Misty sweetly handed him a chicken leg from the picnic basket. "I've got my best girl by my side, and no pesky Rockets to worry about. Ah, I love being a Pokémon Master."

But close by, a pair of snoopy eavesdroppers spied on the picnicking couple. Now a snoopy pair wasn't anything new for Ash, except sometimes in the case of this duo.

"I'm hot!" Brock Slate complained.

"Will you be quiet and let me draw them?!" Tracey Sketchit quietly shouted. "I can't concentrate with you griping so much."

"Can't you just take a photo of them?"

"I'm a Pokémon watcher, not a Pokémon photographer, Brock."

"Well, couldn't you take a picture and then draw using _it_ for reference? It'd be much easier that way. Besides, these aren't Pokémon you're examining; it's just Ash and Misty."

"No," Tracey said. "It wouldn't be much fun."

"I'm still hot," Brock whined. "And hungry, too! They've got chicken and I don't!"

"Shut up."

Ash and Misty hadn't heard anything that Brock and Tracey were saying. What they _did_ hear, though, was the sound of wing flaps in the distance. After a while, the wing flaps got closer. And closer. And closer. Until finally, they could see what the sound belonged to. Or rather, _whom_ it belonged to.

"Parakarry!" Ash addressed the familiar aviator's-helmet-wearing Parakoopa from the Mushroom Kingdom. "What brings you to Kanto?"

"My wings, of course!" Parakarry joked. "But seriously, I'm here to bring you this." He took out a piece of paper and handed it to Misty.

Misty looked at the scroll, and then she gasped of astonishment. "Oh Ash! Look at this! There's a Nintendo Heroes' party and we're invited!"

Ash took the scroll and read it himself. "Oh wow! And our Pokémon are invited too!"

Pikachu put down his ketchup bottle and listened in eagerness. And Togepi stopped waddling around and did the same.

"You really think we should go?" Misty asked her black-haired boyfriend.

"Well, why not? We've blasted Team Rocket off zillions of times, and I think we can be called heroes for that." Ash turned to Parakarry. "Well, Parakarry, Misty and I gladly accept this invitation."

"Swell," Parakarry said. "By the way, shall I deliver an invitation to those idiots in the bushes over there, or should you tell them yourselves?"

At that point, Brock and Tracey leaped out of the bushes, and got down in front of Ash and Misty.

"Yes, yes!" Tracey screamed. "We want to go to that party!"

"Yeah!" Brock shrieked. "We want to meet all the girls there!"

Misty bit her lip and cleared her throat. "What were you two doing over there?"

"Uh, we were just studying some lovebirds," Tracey explained. He suddenly realized the error in his sentence. "Oops! It was Brock's idea!"

Misty turned back to Parakarry. "Let us handle their invitation."

Parakarry saluted, and then flew off back into the sky.

The next thing that Brock and Tracey knew, they were lying on their backs on account of an attack from Misty's always-coming-from-out-of-nowhere mallet.

"**I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO _STOP _SPYING ON MY DATES AND ROMANTIC INTERLUDES WITH ASH!!!**" Misty bellowed.

***

On the Isle O'Hags, a heated battle of wits was being made in a race to collect as much property as possible. In his house near Spiral Mountain, Banjo the yellow-shorts-wearing honey bear and his loud-mouthed breegull friend, Kazooie, were playing a game of Pokémon Monopoly with the mysterious masked shaman, Mumbo Jumbo.

"Mumbo have Giovanni's Nidoqueen and Nidoking," Mumbo said, talking in that strange way that he talks. "Me gonna destroy filthy breegull."

"Oh yeah? Just watch a pro in action, mask man." Kazooie rolled the dice and her piece ended up on a Professor Oak space. She picked the card from the top of the corresponding pile and read it. "'Go Directly to Jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200.' Rats!"

"When you get out of jail, me destroy you." Mumbo taunted, rolling the dice. He moved his piece, and it ended up on a very unpleasant space on the board. "OH NO! Not on 'Gary Attacks!'"

Banjo stretched out his right paw. "Pay $200, please."

Mumbo crossed his arms and looked away from the brown bear. "No."

"Y'have to," Banjo coaxed. "It's the rules."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

Banjo reached into the box that the board game came in, and he pulled out the instructions. "Th' rules say that if yuh land on 'Gary Attacks!', yuh gotta pay $200."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!" Mumbo screamed. He then got so angry that he kicked the board. It crashed into the wall and broke in half. Mumbo looked at the damage he had just made. "Oops. No problem. Don't bother calling repairman. Me fix board with mighty Mumbo magic!" He walked up to the remains of the board and began shouting some of his famous magic words.

Then, Mr. Bottles, the mole who had helped Banjo and Kazooie in their adventures, entered. "Hi fellas! I was comin' over to visit you guys, when Parakarry from the Mushroom Kingdom showed up. He told me to give you this." He handed Banjo an invitation, which looked similar to the one Parakarry had given to Ash and his friends back in Kanto.

Banjo looked at the invitation. "Ya-huk! A Nintendo Heroes' Party! Ah think we can enjoy this!"

"Tsk tsk tsk!" Kazooie put her wings to her hip. "Banjo, of _course _we can enjoy a party! Don't you remember? We enjoyed parties after both of our victories against Gruntilda!"

"Oh!" Banjo guffawed. "Ah get it now!"

At that point, Tooty, Banjo's cute little sister, walked in. "I thought I heard a crash in here, big brother. What happened?"

"We just got invited to a big party!" Kazooie said.

Tooty looked at them, confused. "_That_ caused a crash?"

Kazooie slapped herself on the face while Mumbo looked on.

***

On the planet Popstar, the young Star Warrior, Kirby, was fast asleep, despite it being close to noon. Tokkori, the cranky canary who had taken over Kirby's house (and sometimes kicked poor Kirby out of it), looked at the snoozing Star Warrior. He also listened to the snores coming from the puffball.

"Eeuh!" Tokkori groaned. "This kid could outsleep a Nodi! Maybe some TV will drown 'im out…" The bird flew over to the television set near Kirby's bed and turned it on. When the picture came up, all there was on the screen was a test pattern. "D'oh, nothing but infomercials! Channel DDD better get its act together soon!"

At that point, Tokkori heard the voices of Kirby's friends coming from outside the house. He opened the door and found Tiff and Tuff standing there on the hill where Kirby's house resided.

"Yeah, what is it?!" Tokkori asked crabbily, perching himself on top of the door.

"We have news that Kirby may need to know," said Tiff.

Tokkori put his wings to his hip. "You'll just have to come back later; he's sleepin' like the dead."

Suddenly, Kirby came up and slid open the door, knocking Tokkori down. Obviously, the little pink marshmallow had been awakened by the sound of his friends.

The ill-mannered Tokkori picked himself up. "Go ahead," he said, brushing his wings. "Tell him your screamin' headline."

"My sister and I think something strange is going on," Tuff explained to Kirby. "This morning, we looked all over the castle. We couldn't find King Dedede or Escargoon anywhere!"

"Really?" Tokkori interrupted, perched up on top of Kirby's door. "That sounds like good news."

Tiff looked upwards. "It sounds like _bad_ news. They might be up to something."

Kirby just blinked.

Tokkori perched himself on the door again. "Well, at least now I know why there's nothing on TV!"

Just then, Melman, the mailman of Cappy Town, walked up to the group.

"Excuse me, but could you give this to Kirby?" Melman said, handing an invitation to Tuff. "Some flying tortoise told me to deliver this to him."

"Let me see that," Tiff said after Melman had left. She took the invitation from her brother and read it to the young Kirby, who wasn't able to read yet. When she finished reading, she looked baffled. "A Nintendo Heroes' Party? I don't know about you guys, but I have a bad feeling about this…"

"You may be right," a Mexican-accented voice came.

A Mexican ditty sounded in the background, and there was the mysterious Meta Knight, standing on the hillside.

"I, too, am not so sure about this so-called party." Meta Knight's eyes glowed an emerald hue. He suddenly disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared.

But despite the older Star Warrior's warning, Kirby had a rather cheerful expression too happy to resist. "Pyo!" he chirped.

"No way, Kirby!" Tiff shouted. "King Dedede's tried to kill you a lot of times, and this may be another trick of his!"

"Aw, forget it, Tiff," Tuff looked at the invitation. "If this were from King Dedede, his symbol would be on it. Besides, I'd love to go to this party myself."

Tiff put some thought into it. Maybe this was one of King Dedede's traps, maybe it wasn't. Tiff was always convinced that Dream Land's illegitimate ruler was only doing things like giving the Cappies television or delectable food just so he could get rid of Kirby. And she was usually right. But Tuff was right about the invitation not coming from Dedede, so Tiff was pretty convinced that this party wasn't a King Dedede-made trap.

She turned to her brother and said, "I guess you're right." Then she faced Kirby. "All right, Kirby. You can go to this party, but we must come with you."

Kirby smiled in that cute way he smiles. "Pyo!"

***

All across Nintendoland, all the heroes of the many Nintendo video games were looking in their mailboxes and finding invitations like the ones Ash, Banjo, and Kirby had received.

On Kongo Bongo Island, Donkey Kong found an invitation in his elevator, and started reading it as his little buddy Diddy Kong looked on from the tire-swing in the big ape's treehouse. "'You are invited to a party to end all parties'…"

In Hyrule, Link III was reading his invitation in front of the North Castle. "…'a Nintendo Heroes' Party!'"

In the headquarters of the Galactic Federation, Samus Aran found a computer-generated invitation on her main computer. "'All Nintendo heroes welcome!'"

At his house in Onett, the Chosen One, Ness, and his three friends looked over their invitation with great interest. "'There'll be loads of entertainment, enjoyable music'…"

On the planet Papetoon, Fox McCloud, the leader of the Star Fox team, was looking over the hologram of their invitation, in his hideout. "…'and best of all, free refreshments!'"

Captain Falcon was at his pit stop, reading the invitation, as his pit crew fixed up his car, the Blue Falcon. "'Just come to this address'..."

At Icicle Mountain, Popo and Nana, the Ice Climber twins, were reading their invitation as they scaled past a herd of Topis. "…'and party on!'"

And they were all accepting these invitations.

***

Later that day, Parakarry dropped an invitation in the mailbox that sat in front of the house that belonged to the pair of plumbers who happened to be heroes around where they lived.

"Mail call!" the flying turtle shouted, as he usually did when he delivered the mail to that house.

Soon after Parakarry left, the tall, slim Luigi Mario, dressed in his blue overalls and green hat, walked outside and advanced to the mailbox. He opened it up, took out all the letters, and went back towards the bungalow where he and his brother lived.

Luigi flipped through the letters in his hands. "Hmmm-a, junk-a mail, junk-a mail, junk-a mail, junk-a mail-a… Wait a minute, what's-a this-a?" As Luigi was walking onto the porch, he took hold of the party invitation in his stack of mail.

"Any good mail-a?" the short, pudgy Mario Mario, wearing his blue overalls and red hat, asked his little brother as he walked through the door.

"We've-a been invited to a party!" Luigi answered.

Mario leaned over in his chair. "Oh, that's-a nothing-a new. Princess Peach throws lots of-a parties." His chair suddenly slipped, and he fell off, landing with an "Oof-a!"

"Oh, but this isn't-a-Peach it's-a-coming from." Luigi placed the junk mail on the desk near their bunk beds. "Let-a-me read it."

Mario looked over his brother's shoulder as Luigi read the invitation.

_You are invited to a party to end all parties - a Nintendo Heroes' Party! All Nintendo heroes welcome! There'll be loads of entertainment, enjoyable music, and best of all, free refreshments! Just come to this address and party on!_

Mario licked his lips. "Mmmm-a, free refreshments! I wouldn't miss any party that has-a that-a! This-a mystery host knows a-me well. By the way, who's the invitation from-a?"

"I don't-a know," Luigi answered. "Whoever the host of the party is, he seems to be keeping his identity a secret; he didn't a-print his name on the invitation."

"Well, that's-a not important right now-a," Mario swished his hand downward. "Does it-a say where it's-a being held-a?"

"Yeah. It's at a-some a-place in-a Megaland called-a Skill Castle."

"Megaland? Isn't that-a the Video World-a where the robot blue bomber, Mega Man, lives-a?"

"Yeah."

"So this-a party's at-a Skill-a Castle, is it?" Mario put his right hand up to his chin in a pondering look. "That-a sounds-a like a good name for a video game exhibition hall-a."

"Or a practice-a level!" Luigi looked at his brother.

"Well, whatever it's a good-a name for, we can't afford to miss a-the party that's-a being held-a there!" Mario snapped his fingers.

"Hee hee," Luigi chuckled, "I'll-a bet the Ghostbusters never got a-time off like this-a." He suddenly gasped in realization. "Oh my! I need a-to have a shower!"

***

And so, after a quick shower, the Mario Bros. were on their way to the so-called Skill Castle. The invitation had provided directions on how to get there. They hadn't gone very far into Toad Town when they happened to notice the two maidens they were always rescuing – Princess Peach Toadstool of the Mushroom Kingdom, and Princess Daisy of Sarasaland.

"Oh Mario!" Peach greeted the red-hatted plumber, barely noticing Luigi. "Where are you going?"

Before Mario could answer, Luigi spoke up. "Mario and I have a-been invited to a Nintendo Heroes' Party!"

"And it's a good-a thing we're-a going too," Mario added. "This-a party could-a clear my head-a."

"Of what?" Peach asked.

"Well-a, recently, I had the strangest-a dream I've ever had-a," Mario explained. "It-a started with this-a strange rain-making person or robot or-a something that Bowser was-a using on a city with a stupid-a name. And-a then we defeated Bowser and he tried to escape through a warp-a, and he wound up a-taking you, Luigi, and Toad with him. Then there was this pig in a tank blowing up a hot-air balloon-a, and-a then a girl killed some other girl with a plasma chainsaw, and she and her boyfriend reenacted some other couple's love-a story. Then a man I had-a never seen before showed up, claiming to be part of a team of women officers, and he was-a swallowed up by a little marshmallow-like a-thing, who then-a started to act just like him! And if that weren't enough, a brain in a pickled jar showed up, accompanied by some hippo-like guy who thinks he's a king and an eggplant with magical powers. And they turned this British man into a giant mechanical toy or something, and throughout the entire event, everyone was-a quoting the motto of some evil organization called, uh… Squad-a-Firework? Or-a-something like that-a."

Princess Daisy pulled a mallet from out of nowhere and squished Mario with it. "That's the stupidest load of idiocy I've ever heard!"

Mario peeled himself off of the pavement. "Well, what do you expect a dream to do? Make-a sense?"

"He's right, you know," said Peach.

At this point, Peach's most loyal servant, Toad, showed up. He was on the saddle of Yoshi, the long-tongued green Struthiomimus.

"What's going on here?" Toad asked.

"Luigi and I have been invited to a Nintendo Heroes' Party at-a Skill Castle!" Mario answered.

"With lots of food?" Yoshi inquired.

"Yes-a," Luigi responded.

Toad looked disappointed, and so did Yoshi and the Princesses. The Marios obviously figured it was because they hadn't received any invitations themselves.

Mario looked at them sympathetically. "You want to come along-a?" he asked.

Toad and the others brightened up. "You mean it?" asked Toad.

"Yes-a," Mario said. "Why shouldn't you guys a-be invited-a? Me and Luigi may be the heroes of a-this kingdom, but you're all a-very heroic yourselves-a. Peach, you were a big-a help in the crusade against-a Wart in a-Subcon, and you helped me out a lot when Bowser stole the Star Rod. Yoshi, you helped a-me rescue King-a Fret and-a Prince Pine of Jewelry Land when the Koopas-a captured them. Toad, you a-single-handedly stopped-a Wario from-a dominating the woods-a. And-a Daisy…" He stopped at this point in the monologue to think of something to say about Daisy. "…well-a, you're a great-a cowgirl. Right-a?"

Daisy put away her mallet and shot the breeze. "I'm fine with that."

"Enough talk-a, guys!" Luigi got between everyone. "If we're-a going to this party, let's-a get going, or we'll-a miss it-a!"

"Good-a point!" said Mario.

And so, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Toad, and Yoshi set off for the place known as Skill Castle. As they were leaving Toad Town, looking for a warp to Megaland, there was something they hadn't noticed. Or rather, _someone_.

Meta Knight watched from up on top of the Toad Town Post Office as the Mario Bros. and their friends trekked out of the town. Speaking not a word, the mystifying blue Star Warrior immediately vanished, completely unnoticed by the unaware citizens.

* * *

Well, there you have it - the first chapter is finished! (Well, it's the first chapter if you count this and the prologue, anyway.) BTW, Kirby's scene here was originally supposed to be part of the montage of the heroes reading their invitations, but in order to lengthen the story, I turned it into a whole scene. Also, if you're confused about Daisy being a cowgirl, it'll make more sense if you've played the "Daisy's Rodeo" mini-game in the Mario Party-e e-Reader cards. I'll be posting the next chapter soon, so stay tuned!


	3. The Imprisonment

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anybody in this fanfic, so let me tell you who does. Captain N is owned by DiC Entertainment; Simon Belmont belongs to Konami; the kids from "The Wizard" are owned by Universal Studios (the characters, that is, not the actors themselves); Killer Instinct, Battletoads, Banjo-Kazooie, and Conker are owned by Rareware; the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were created by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, and they're owned by Mirage Studios; the Samurai Pizza Cats belong to Saban International Services, Inc.; the Mega Man characters are owned by Capcom; and Nintendo owns the rest.

**Author's Note:** Whoo! I've been trying to make the chapters in this fanfic at a near-equal length, and I wound up making this one at least 4,000 words long! It's probably going to be the longest chapter in the story. Without further ado, enjoy!

* * *

By the time the Mario Bros. and their friends arrived, a huge line of the many heroes living in Nintendoland had already gathered up in front of the place labeled as Skill Castle.

Mama mia! Mario gasped as they got in line. I haven't-a seen this-a many people since-a that party that Peach had after I saved the Star Rod-a!

One by one, the people in line headed into the so-called Skill Castle. Pretty soon, the Mario gang had arrived at the front of the line.

The robot guard in front of the entrance looked at them. Identify yourselves, please.

Mario took his hat off to introduce himself. It's-a me, Mario Mario. This is a-my brother Luigi, and-a these are our friends-a.

The guard cracked a smile. Go right on in.

The Mario Bros. and their friends entered the castle, although Peach felt a little uneasy about that guard's smile. In the large room inside, every Nintendo hero who had received invitations and their friends were having a good time.

Luigi gasped at the sight. This-a mystery host must've invited _every_ hero in the galaxy!Tell me about it! said Toad. I wasn't aware there were this many heroes in Nintendoland.

Using his far-stretching tongue, Yoshi slurped up an apple from the lengthy buffet table nearby. Maybe we can get to know our new friends!Good choice-a! Luigi answered.

Mario gave it a shot. OK, I'll-a go meet a-someone. He walked up to the brown-eyed boy wearing the red baseball cap. 'Scuse a-me, I'd-a like to tell a-you my name-a, if a-you tell a-me yours-a. the kid agreed, but why don't you tell me your name first?All right-a, I'm-a game, Mario replied. He coughed out an , then flashed his victory pose. It's-a me, Mario! Last-a name, same as the first-a. Place of residence, the Mushroom-a Kingdom. Then he returned to his original position. Now-a tell me your He stopped in the middle of the sentence and stared in awe at his conversational partner. He chewed on the fingers of his left-hand glove, as if he were biting his fingernails. Wait a minute-a. I-a recognize you! Y-y-y-you're a-that baseball-playing boy who saved your-a home planet from the wrath of-a-the evil Giygas! Y-you're a-that PSI kid-a!

The fourteen-year-old lad PSI Teleported over to the buffet table, scooped up a handful of Doritos, and PSI Teleported back in front of Mario.

Call me Ness.

Mario shook Ness' hand, the one that wasn't holding the Doritos. Ness-a! I've-a read all about your adventures-a! I'm a hero myself where I come from, but I work-a mainly in the field of-a princess-rescuing. But you, _you, _**_you_** saved an entire planet-a!

Ness rubbed the back of his head. Well, I couldn't have done it without the help of my friends, he said, indicating the three same-aged kids behind him. Mr. Mario, allow me to introduce you to Paula Polestar, Jeff Andonuts, and Prince Poo E'l Ahrim Dalaam. Guys, this is Mario Mario from the Mushroom Kingdom.

Mario's eyes shrank. You're a-friends with a Jackie Chan wannabe named _Poo_? Poo spoke up. You can't judge a prince by his name!

Mario chuckled. Hee hee hee hee. That's a good-a one, Poo. He started to walk away at this point, but he kept his eyes rolled toward Ness. Oh, and Ness? Don't ever let a-Paula down-a.

Ness giggled and blushed slightly, as he knew what the plumber was talking about.

Mario was still chuckling to himself when he walked and stopped right in front of a tall man in a martial arts costume.

Mario looked upward at the face of the tall man in front of him. Uh, have I-a seen you somewhere before-a?My name is Jago, the deep-voiced man said, swishing his sword. I entered the Killer Instinct tournament to destroy the evil of Ultratech.

Mario stared at Jago, in fright, for this man seemed more dangerous than any Koopa that he had ever faced. well, I'm a-glad to see that you did a good job-a.

He suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him. Hey, Mario! the voice called.

Mario turned around, and instantly recognized the cloud standing in front of him. Hey, it's-a Mallow! I didn't expect you to be at this-a party.Well, why not? the weather-controlling Mallow Nimbus said. I helped you in your crusade against the Smithy Gang. And look who I also met!

Behind the royal cloud were the creatures who had helped Mario when Bowser had stolen the Star Rod: Goombario the Goomba, Kooper the Koopa, Bombette the Bob-Omb, Lady Bow the Boo, Watt the light particle, Sushie the Cheep-Cheep, and Lakilester the Lakitu.

Hi, guys, Mario said. I-a see you've-a met-a Prince Mallow of Nimbus Land-a.

While Mario was making new friends and running into some old ones, Ash Ketchum and his friends had arrived.

Brock looked around. Man oh man, which of these girls should I introduce my handsome self to first?How bout that one? Tracey pointed.

Brock advanced to the brown-haired girl that the Pokémon watcher had indicated. Hi there. My name's Brock Slate, and I'd like to be your boyfriend!

Misty pulled him back by his ear. I believe she's taken, she said, referring to the nearby boy in the green t-shirt.

Just then, the baseball cap-donning boy (obviously the green-shirted kid's little brother) let out a sound. 

Ash looked at the trio in front of him. What's up with him?

The boy in the green shirt, whose name was Corey Woods, explained. Uh, Jimmy here is very emotionally disturbed. I don't want him to be institutionalized, so we're on our way to Los Angeles.He's got an enormous talent for NES video games, added the girl, named Haley Brookes. He's going to compete in the Video Armageddon championship.Video Armageddon? Is that anything like a Pokémon League championship? Y'know, I'm the current Champion! Look at my badges! Ash opened his jacket, showing that he had earned every one of the Pokémon Gym Badges. Among them was the Official Pokémon League Master medal he had earned after winning the finals in the Silver Tournament.

Haley rolled her eyes. Uh, not really

At that point, fifteen-year-old Kevin Keene, known throughout Nintendoland as Captain N the Game Master, walked up. Hey, who's this kid? he asked, looking at young Jimmy.

was all Jimmy could reply.

Oh, this is Jimmy Woods! Ash introduced the kid to Kevin. He's a Wizard on NES video games. Kevin took out his Zapper Light Gun and whirled it in his hand. Well, can he handle a Zapper like yours truly?

Behind Kevin, his teammates of the N-Team looked on from the buffet.

Hey Kevin, called Simon Belmont, I thought _I_ was the braggart on the team.

Brock was puzzled by Simon's complaint. What's up with that guy?

Pit, the brown-haired winged archer who was referred to as Kid Icarus' by some of his friends, flew up to the squinty-eyed Gym Leader. First rule of being a member of the N-Team - ignore Simon. Your life will be much easier.

Elsewhere in the party, three man-sized amphibians were making acquaintance with a duo of blue robot cowboys.

Howdy pardner, the tall cowboy said. I'm Tinstar, and this here's Mo Crash.

The short Mo Crash looked at the amphibious trio. What're you supposed to be? Three piles of those things that people aftuh drinkin' some bad cappuccino?No way! the green toad replied. I'm Rash!Zitz is my handle, the aqua-skinned toad introduced himself.

They call me Pimple, boomed the muscular brown-colored toad.

The trio of amphibians struck a pose. We're the Battletoads! And we're mad, bad, and crazy! Then they slapped each others' up high.

Mo Crash eyed his tall partner. And Ah thought the people in East Driftwood looked weird

The Kong clan from Kongo Bongo Island were enjoying themselves too. Diddy Kong was introducing Donkey Kong to some of his friends.

And this is Banjo, Diddy introduced the bear. He's from Spiral Mountain. He was a big help in my adventure against the Wizpig!

DK looked at Kazooie. Uh, what's that strange thing on your back, Banjo? Does it talk?

Kazooie crossed her arms. Oh great, another mammal to insult me.This here's Kazooie, Banjo said. We once saved mah little sister from Gruntilda the witch. Two years later we stopped Grunty from sucking th' life force out of everyone on the isle. She literally lost her head that time!Ah, technically, it was her body that she lost, Kazooie corrected. Being under a rock for two years had turned her into a skeleton!

As Kazooie was saying that, DK watched as the figure of a squirrel wearing a crown walked through the crowd, looking depressed. "What's goin' on with this guy, Diddy?"

"Oh, that's just Conker," Diddy explained. "He's been depressed ever since his girlfriend was gunned down by that mob boss, Don Weaslo, even though soon after that he became king of his country for killing The Evil Panther King."

The voice of colossal Chunky Kong boomed out. Let Chunky handle him!

Dixie Kong, Chunky's cousin and Diddy's would-be girlfriend, stopped him. No no, Chunky! Don't try to hurt Conker; you might hurt a lot of people.

Chunky put down his fists. Good point, Dixie.Goo poit! repeated Kiddy Kong, who was riding on his big brother's big shoulders.

Hey, where's Cranky? asked Candy Kong, DK's sort-of girlfriend.

Yeah, where is the C-man? inquired Funky Kong, the manager of Funky's Flights, Funky's Rentals, and Funky's Armory.

Oh, he just decided to stay back at his cabin when he heard there was a Nintendo Heroes' party going on, DK explained to his friends.

Some video game hero! scoffed Bluster Kong, the boss of the Bluster Barrelworks factory. He can't even come to a party with us!Aw, who cares what you say, Bluster? Tiny Kong, Dixie's little sister, contradicted the mustached gorilla. By staying home to guard the Crystal Coconut, he's _doing _something heroic! added Lanky Kong the orangutan.

Princess Zelda III of Hyrule, meanwhile, was carrying a conversation with Samus Aran of the Galactic Federation.

So, do you come here often? Zelda asked.

Samus answered. I'm often adventuring through the galaxy, blasting weird creatures and apprehending space criminals! I tell you; it's a tough job, but somebody has to do it. And I'm that somebody. Zelda contradicted. You probably don't have male chauvinists begging you for kisses every eleven minutes!Look, Princess, I think you should just admit that you love that green-dressed man who's always protecting you.

Samus had a point - Zelda DID love Link; she just couldn't admit it.

Speaking of Link, he was having a bit of a problem with Kirby.

Stop trying to swallow my sword, you little marshmallow! Link shouted.

You heard im, Kirby! Tuff yelled. Stop it!

Obediently, Kirby stopped his attempt to inhale Link's sword.

Link wiped his brow. Sheesh, why did you two even bring him to this party?He's a Star Warrior, and the invitation was for him, Tiff explained. We just came here to watch out for troublemakers.

Elsewhere in the party, the Ice Climbers were talking with the Balloon Fighter.

What's it like floating around tied to balloons? asked Popo, the blue-clad twin.

It's no friendly sky, I'll tell you, the Balloon Fighter replied. Other Balloonmen keep trying to pop my balloons, and I have to worry about being eaten by Orange Fish if I get too close to the ocean! Nana, the pink-clad twin, objected. Climbing up Icicle Mountain to get to the vegetables on top is no trip to the refrigerator! We have to deal with Topis and Polar Bears! The Balloon Fight thought up an idea. Maybe if we ever get new games of our own, we can switch our occupations! You two be balloonists and I'll be an Eskimo!Uh, we'll go with that, agreed Popo.

On the leftmost side of the party room, the Star Fox team was making acquaintance with Captain Falcon. Fox McCloud was chatting away with the racer himself while Slippy Toad made an inspection on the man's equipment and Peppy Hare looked on.

So, I understand that you're a bounty hunter, Fox said.

That is correct, Captain Falcon answered.

Which vehicle do you use?My racecar, the Blue Falcon.My team and I use SFX Arwings to fight the Imperial Empire.Oh yes, I've heard about your adventures in the Lylat System. Uh, aren't there four of you?Our fourth member, Falco Lombardi, left the team years ago. We still have contact with him.I'd like to meet him some time, said Falcon.

On the other side, the Samurai Pizza Cats were talking to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles about well, pizza.

Michelangelo, the Turtle who wore the orange headband, faced the three Cats. So you dudes are sayin' that you make your pizzas nice and cheesy without anchovies? Speedy Cerviche replied. It's the best pizza in the world.Speedy, don't say that about our pizza, Polly Esther interrupted.

Right. It has to be the best pizza in the _universe_, corrected Guido Anchovi.

World, universe; it doesn't matter as long as it tastes great! said Raphael, the red-masked Turtle.

Well, things were going smoothly when they suddenly took a turn for the worst. Michelangelo told Conker to quit hogging the pizza, but the drug-induced squirrel wouldn't listen. Then Mikey got mad and attempted to smash Conker with his nunchakus. But he missed and the chucks popped one of the Balloon Fighter's balloons. The Balloon Fighter advanced to attack Mike, but he was suddenly swallowed up by Kirby, who then became Balloon Fighter Kirby and floated above everyone, stomping on their heads. Ness retaliated by shocking Kirby with PK Flash and No, wait. That's not what happened.

What _did_ happen was that a voice was suddenly heard all over the room. Attention partygoers! It gives me great pleasure to announce that all of you are now my prisoners! The heroes all yelled.

Who are you? Corey asked.

What are you doing? Jeff Andonuts inquired.

And why are you calling us your prisoners?! Leonardo, the blue-masked leader of the Turtles, shouted.

Show yourself, you coward! Kazooie barked.

As if in response, sixty-eight robots appeared all over the walls of the room. Cut Man. Guts Man. Ice Man. Bomb Man. Fire Man. Elec Man. Metal Man. Air Man. Bubble Man. Quick Man. Crash Man. Flash Man. Heat Man. Wood Man. Needle Man. Magnet Man. Gemini Man. Hard Man. Top Man. Snake Man. Spark Man. Shadow Man. Bright Man. Pharaoh Man. Drill Man. Ring Man. Toad Man. Dust Man. Dive Man. Skull Man. Gravity Man. Wave Man. Stone Man. Gyro Man. Star Man. Charge Man. Napalm Man. Crystal Man. Blizzard Man. Centaur Man. Flame Man. Knight Man. Plant Man. Tomahawk Man. Wind Man. Yamato Man. Freeze Man. Junk Man. Burst Man. Cloud Man. Spring Man. Slash Man. Shade Man. Turbo Man. Tengu Man. Astro Man. Sword Man. Clown Man. Search Man. Frost Man. Grenade Man. Aqua Man. Dynamo Man. Cold Man. Ground Man. Pirate Man. Burner Man. Magic Man. They were all there.

Kazooie reconsidered her dare as Banjo glared at her. Uh, on second thought, could you maybe not make such a dramatic entrance?What's-a going on a-here? Mario asked.

Where'd all of these a-robots a-come from? Luigi inquired.

Wait a minute! Mega Man, the hero of Megaland, dropped the cyber shake he had been consuming and raised his right index finger. These are the Robot Masters! And that can only mean

Before the 132-centimeter robot could finish, a platform lowered from the ceiling, in the top center corner of the room. The speaker was sitting on a throne in the middle of the platform, facing the wall.

A brilliant, yet obvious, deduction, Mega Man, he said. The throne swiveled around and revealed the speaker to be none other than Dr. Albert W. Wily himself. He was accompanied by Bass, his robot made to even the odds against Mega Man.

It's Dr. Wily! Mega Man shouted.

_Dr. Wily!_ all the heroes echoed.

_You're_ the mystery host? said Kevin.

"Yes, and I'm glad you could all come to my little party here at_ Skull Castle_, the evil doctor taunted. And Bass is glad too. Aren't you, Bass?

Bass sighed, annoyed. Doc, don't say that in public.

Tiff sighed as well, although not in the same kind of annoyance. I _knew_ this party was a trap!

Wily faced the heroes. Anyway, down to business. Now that you heroes have fallen into my trap, all of Nintendoland shall now belong to me!

Pit flew up to Kevin. He says he's gonna take over Nintendoland. Well, easy to say, hard to do, right, Kevin?You won't get away with this! Ash spouted one of his familiar lines at Wily.

Oh yes, I will... as long as I have _THIS!_ Wily pulled out the ray gun he had finished making in the prologue.

What the heck's that supposed to be?! asked Jeff.

Ness put out his hands. I don't know, but it looks rather cheesy.It kinda resembles a giant version of the Retromutagen Ray, Leonardo pointed out.

It's my newest weapon! Wily answered. I call it the **_RETROTIME 64!!_**A time machine? Raphael joked. How's _that_ gonna conquer this dimension? Krang's got better evil plans than that.

Mario ran up, preparing to stomp on the bald spot on Wily's head. You can just-a call that-a storage trash-a', cause that's a-what it's-a going to be when you land behind bars!That's what you think! Wily said, aiming the RetroTime 64.

Mario leapt into the air. But when the plumber was at the height of his jump, Wily shot a beam from the RetroTime 64. Mario was instantly zapped by the ray, and he fell down, letting out a high-pitched scream as the blinding beam took it effects on him. When the light cleared away, the rest of the heroes looked and gasped in horror. For Mario Mario, the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, had been turned into the baby he once was.

Baby Mario cried. _Waaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! Waaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!_That gun just turned Mario into a baby! shouted Donatello, the purple-masked genius of the Turtles. A device like that could change us back into ordinary turtles!Whoa! Ultimo bummer! said Michelangelo.

Mario turned back into a baby - that's bad news for me! Yoshi yelled. Baby Mario smells real bad!

Ash stepped up to the mad doctor. "Not so fast, Wily! You can't take over Nintendoland 'cause you have a big time-altering gun and you've used it to render Mario helpless. You've still got _us_ to deal with! He took out one of his PokéBalls and threw it. Bayleef, I choose you!

Out of the PokéBall came Ash's Bayleef. she called.

Bayleef, team up with Pikachu and attack him! Ash commanded, pointing at Wily.

Wily watched as Pikachu and Bayleef prepared to attack him, and then shouted Well, I choose _this!_ He zapped both Pokémon with the RetroTime 64. When the beam finished its effects, Pikachu had de-evolved into Pichu, and Bayleef had changed to its former evolutionary form of Chikorita.

Ash screamed. Pikachu! Bayleef!I figured that you'd say I wouldn't get away with this with you other heroes around. That's why I brought a little reinforcements. Wily turned his head upward and called. OK, guys, come on out!

One by one, several of the heroes' worst enemies dropped in, literally, from the ceiling.

The first villain to make his appearance by the mad doc was King Bowser Koopa, Mario and Luigi's main adversary. Now I can take over the Mushroom Kingdom without those Super Mario Buttinskies defeating me! he laughed.

Peach shouted out the evil turtle's name.

Second, Wario Wario and Waluigi Wario, the Marios' bitter rivals, landed in a spot opposite of Bowser. They danced around and sang a song of their own.

Wario sang the first half. We're the Wario Bros., and we're here to say

Waluigi finished it. That we kick-a butt in every way!It's a-the Wario Bros.-a! Luigi exclaimed the obvious.

They struck poses. And we're-a cooler den da Marios! Yay! they shouted in unison.

Above the ugly duo, another villainous pair dropped in to strike their own poses, shouting out their usual introduction.

To protect the world from devastation!To unite all peoples within our nation!To denounce the evils of truth and love!To extend our reach to the stars above!It's Team Rocket! Brock interrupted.

The third member of The Team Rocket Super Squad' jumped in. _Meowth!_ Dat's right, twoip! And t'anks ta Wily here, all da rare Pokémon in da woild will belong to us! And dat's also right!

Black Bart, the nasty leader of the Bad Oil gang, laughed madly. Hey, Tinstar! I'm better than you!!Oh! No you're not! an insulted Tinstar responded.

King K. Rool, the Kommander of the Kremlings, belly-flopped into the room. With those clueless chimps out of the way, I can get the Crystal Coconut _and_ Donkey Kong's Banana Hoard with no trouble at all! DK gasped. Not my bananas!

The next villain to drop in was the Turtles' archenemy, Oroku Saki, better known as the Shredder. Now, I'll get you Turtles!! the metal-masked man shouted, his purple cape waving behind him.

Isn't that what he said last time? Raphael said to his brothers.

Um, with all these robots and other villains, I think he means it this time, said Donatello.

In yo' face, pinky! King Dedede, the illegitimate ruler of Dream Land, jumped in, smashing the ground with his mallet. Who needs NightMare Enterprises when I got Dr. Wily to work wit'?

His surly sidekick, Escargoon, popped up behind him. You tell em, sire!

Tiff looked unconvinced. What kind of taunt is that? she argued.

The next bad guy to bounce in was Pokey Minch, the mastermind behind the attack of Giygas. I told you I'd be back, Pig's Butts! he farted in the general direction of Ness and his friends.

Ness turned to his three friends. Shall we take care of him, guys?Uh, Ness? Jeff pointed out. The question should be, Shall we take care of _them?_ Pokey's become part of a whole gangAha! Revenge is mine, you stupid bird and bear. Because of you, this hat is all I can wear! The bodiless head of Gruntilda Winkybunion the witch-turned-skeleton spoke, in rhyme.

Banjo looked miffed, but Kazooie was unimpressed. Boy, we rot off her flesh and kick off her head, and she still puts up a fight. How many defeats can one witch take?

Then, Seymour Big Cheese entered with a boom, literally. Say cheese, Samurai Pizza Tabbys!The Big Cheese! shouted Guido.

Should we take him now? asked Polly.

Speedy warned. We're getting outnumbered here

One of Conker's worst enemies was the next to show up. You've chugged down your last beer, squirrel! he gloated.

"Evil Acorn!" Conker shouted out the name of the bad nut.

Diddy looked at Conker. I thought he'd been blown to bits!

Finally, the Dark Queen jumped into the room with a graceful landing. It's Game Over for you, Battletwerps!Oh my frog! Zitz gasped. This mad doc's gotten all of our worst enemies together!This place is out of control! added Tracey, stating the obvious.

DK stepped up to the group of villains. Listen, you villains can't take over Nintendoland like this. It just isn't nice.I'll show _you_ nice! Wily zapped DK with the RetroTime 64. DK let out a loud, upset groan as the ray shrunk him down. When the beam finished, DK had de-aged down to the tank-top-clad Donkey Kong Jr.

Diddy and Candy gasped.

Bluster laughed in a silly manner. Look at that! Kongo Bongo's future ruler is now a little chimp! Ba ha ha ha ha ha!

Dixie lashed her ponytail on Bluster's knee, and Tiny did the same with her pigtails. Shut up, Bluster!

"Owww!" Bluster winced. That hurt!

Bowser, Wario, Waluigi, Meowth, Jessie, James, Black Bart, K. Rool, Shredder, King Dedede, Pokey, the Big Cheese, Evil Acorn, and the Dark Queen all gathered around Wily's podium, linking hands (and claws). (Gruntilda couldn't do so, since she was just a bodyless head, so Escargoon had to hold her up.) They danced around, singing to Wily.

_For he's an evil bad fellow,  
For he's an evil bad fellow,  
For he's an evil bad feeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllloooooooooooooww,  
Whom nobody can defy!_Thank you, thank you, Wily acknowledged the cackling villains. Then he turned to the heroes. Now that you've tasted my power, it's off to the dungeon with you!You don't scare us! Misty yelled.

Shut up, little girl! Wily signaled sixteen of his Robot Masters. Top Man, you and the others take these heroes to the dungeon, and confiscate their weapons.Right, doc! Top Man saluted his creator.

_Including_ that stupid little baby! Wily added, pointing at the screaming Baby Mario.

Luigi objected. That's a-my brother Mario you're-a calling a stupid little baby, you wheezing blackheart-a!

Wily pointed the RetroTime 64 in Luigi's nose. _Silence_, greenie! Or I'll turn _you_ into a stupid little baby as well. Luigi stammered, I can't argue with that-a.

Top Man, Needle Man, Magnet Man, Gemini Man, Hard Man, Snake Man, Spark Man, Shadow Man, Freeze Man, Junk Man, Burst Man, Cloud Man, Spring Man, Slash Man, Shade Man, and Turbo Man each picked up at least one good guy one by one. As the heroes were brought to Skull Castle's dungeon, all of the villains taunted them one at a time.

Bowser: Bwa ha ha ha! You're finished, plumbscum!

Wario: Game over, Mario!

Waluigi: You lose-a, Luigi!

Jessie and James: _You're_ blasting off this time, twerps!

Meowth: And dat goes fer you too, Pikachu - or should I say _Pichu!_

Black Bart: You've drawn your last draw, Tinstar!

K. Rool: Your rulership shall be no more, Donkey Kong _Junior!_

Shredder: So much for your honor, Turtles!

King Dedede: Bye-bye, Kirby! I ain't gonna miss you one bit!

Pokey: You'll be eating my shorts, pig butts - that is, the dirty ones I'll be tossing down there!

Gruntilda: Banjo and Kazooie won't stop me this time; I've beaten them in both plan and rhyme!

The Big Cheese: Let's see you make pizza with mice and gruel, cats!

Evil Acorn: No more beer for you, squirrel!

The Dark Queen: Let's see you ram something down _there_, Battlenewts!

As the villains went on with their taunts, the Robot Masters brought the heroes to the dungeon, taking away their weapons as they did so.

Put me down, Top-head! Link squealed as Top Man carried him to his cell. I'm a descendant of the Hero of Time! Top Man watched as Spring Man tossed Zelda into the cell with Link. Well, _I'm_ the Villain of Tops himself! He laughed and took Link's sword and shield, while Spring Man walked off with Zelda's bow and arrows.

Ah, can I have a cellmate of the female gender? Brock asked as Hard Man tossed him into his cell and took away his Pokémon.

Ash watched as Spark Man took away his and Misty's Pokémon. He turned to the sobbing Misty and put his arms around her to comfort her. At least these robots were nice enough to let us share the same cell.

The Ninja Turtles' cell was right next to the Battletoads' cell.

You Toad-dudes must be the species that our enemies are confusing _our_ species with, Michelangelo said as Needle Man took away his nunchakus.

You jokin'? Pimple pointed out. We're no ninjas. We just kick butt with our heads and toads... uh, toes.I gotta tell you, Daisy, Peach told her friend as Shadow Man carried them through the dungeon, I sure get kidnapped a lot.You're lucky, Daisy said as Shadow Man threw them into the cell with Toad, Yoshi, Luigi, and Baby Mario. You're being noticed.

When all the heroes were locked up in the dungeon, Wily congratulated his Robot Masters. Excellent work, boys! Now, this galaxy, Nintendoland, shall belong to us, the villains of Nintendoland! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

* * *

Things are gettin' hot, aren't they? Oh, and for you curious TMNT fans out there, I'm featuring the Turtles and Shredder from the original cartoon, not the new one. No offense. Anyway, keep a watch out for the next chapter!


	4. The Conversations

**Author's Note:** Yes, I finally got around to updating this story. I'm sorry I spent such a long time going on without posting this chapter. (Over a year and three months, actually!) I was in a bit of writer's block with the story, or maybe I was just trying to think of enough things for all the characters to say to prolong the chapter. I can't believe how much I managed to post up in the time it took for me to finish this chapter - a baseball poem, four Mario cartoon adaptations, a Fairly OddParents parody, four fanfics starring Disney characters (five, counting that unplanned Chip/Gadget poem), a fanfiction parody of the original Sonic Anime OVA, the first two chapters of a Monty Python crossover with the Nicktoons, and five-sixths of my parody of the "King Koopa Katastrophe" DVD. I should've finished this up sooner, but never got around to it until I had finished _Crandall the Murderer_, which I'll be publishing tomorrow. Anyway, you've probably waited too long for this installment, so I'll shut up now.

* * *

"**_HELP!_** We need somebody!" Bluster Kong screamed from his Skull Castle prison cell. "**_HELP!_** Not just anybody! Help! Help!"

"Hey, give it a rest, Bluster," an annoyed Diddy interrupted the obnoxious employer's screams. "No one is going to help us. Dr. Wily's imprisoned just about every hero in Nintendoland, and there's nothing nobody can do about it."

"You mean, there's nothing _anybody_ can do about it," Tiny Kong corrected his grammar.

Bluster darted his eyes at the monkeys. "Look, I'm a filthy rich but sniveling coward," he let it slip. "I can scream for help if I want to!" And he continued to do so.

"Well, you don't have to be so shrill!" Candy yelled, standing up to her boss.

"Man, it stinks that those guys confiscated our weapons!" Raphael griped. "If I had my Sais, I could just use it as a key and get us out of this mess!"

"You think _your_ problem stinks!" Brock yelled to the hotheaded turtle from his cell. "I politely asked for a female cellmate, and I ended up with a male cellmate who happens to have a girly name!"

"Hey!" an insulted Tracey yelled at his eyeless cellmate. "Some guys actually _have_ names like mine! At least I don't get the group lost when traveling; and I don't squint my eyes, either!"

"Why you little--!" Brock lunged at the green-haired artist and began to strangle him. "If we ever get out of this jam, I'll beat you in a Pokémon battle just to show you which of us is the superior third wheel!"

Tracey loosened his neck from Brock's grip. "I'm afraid you've already lost, rock boy. Your Onix and Graveler are certainly no match for my Marril!"

"Think again, Trace-vestite!" Brock assured himself. "I have a Golbat, too, and the Official Pokémon Handbook doesn't state whether it's good OR bad against water-types!"

"That's it!" Tracey leapt at Brock and they began literally fist-fighting, raising a fight cloud like typical cartoon characters.

Misty growled from her and Ash's cell at the two blokes. "Will you knock it off?"

Tracey pulled himself out of his mini-melee. "Well, _he_ started it!" he yelled, pointing at Brock.

"Look at you guys!" Misty continued. "No wonder I hate it when you spy on me and Ash! You two are such morons! Maybe we would've been better off if you two had never come along with us at all!"

Tracey looked hurt. He could understand why Misty could possibly be angry with him or Pewter City's Gym Leader. After all, Brock was a total idiot who fell for every girl who rejected him because of his lack of manliness and eyes. And he knew that Misty hadn't really liked him very much at first (as evidenced by the way she told him he couldn't invite himself along for their journey when he met them), although she had ended getting along well with him. But would she really go so far as to act towards him and Brock the way Ash acted towards Jessie & James? There was only one way to find out. Tracey swallowed his pride and asked, "Misty, surely you don't really mean to call us that?"

Misty rubbed her forehead as Ash rubbed her shoulders. "Oh, sorry, Tracey. I've gotten filled with a lot of angst from the villains teaming up and imprisoning us."

Tiff huffed angrily. "Well, I didn't want to come to this 'party' anyway! I knew it would be a trap, and I was right! Every time King Dedede and Escargoon do something, I just know there's something bad behind it! But does anyone ever listen to me? No, they don't give a hoot! It's just 'Oh, who cares what Tiff says? King Dedede can't possibly be lying, 'cause he's the king and what he says goes.' Well, if those stupid Cappies were in here right now, they wouldn't think it's so funny, would they!"

Peach put her arms to her hips. "Sheesh! That female kid hanging out the little pink spud is so full of PMS!"

"Tell me about it," said Tuff as his sister continued to whine. "She complains about _everything_ Dedede does, even when he isn't up to mischief."

"That's 'cause he's _always_ up to mischief!" Tiff screamed.

"Yeah, that's right!" Ash yelled, taking his hands off of his girlfriend's shoulders. "Only it's Team Rocket that's always up to no good! Those rotten Rockets! If I had a dollar for every time they did something bad, I could buy myself a lot of cheeseburgers!"

"Aw, c'mon Ash," Banjo tried to restrain the hotheaded teen as best he could, despite being in a different cell. "These enemies of yours can't be that bad."

"How can you say that, Banjo?" Kazooie interrupted. "Gruntilda already tried to make our lives a misery _three_ times!"

Banjo put his claw on his confidant's beak. "Kazooie, you're forgettin' Ah helped Diddy battle the Wizpig before Ah even knew the witch existed."

"But didn't she have a hideout molded in her likeness in front of Spiral Mountain?" inquired Dixie. "Surely you'd notice that!"

"Ah, Chunky wouldn't know," moaned Chunky.

"Me neeta," pipped Kiddy.

"She wasn't talking to _you_, Chunky," Candy corrected.

"Yeah!" Funky added. "The little dudette was addressin' the bear and the bird in the backpack."

Conker sat cursing on the wooden mattress in his cell. "Those damn villains! They had just to throw us in here, didn't they? Right when I was getting really thirsty, too!"

Mumbo Jumbo rolled his eyes. "Mumbo need to teach jackass squirrel a lesson about dignity."

Luigi had put a hand on his baby-ified brother's loud mouth. "I'm-a sure Mario agrees with you, Misty."

Just then, Baby Mario's diaper sagged.

Daisy put her fingers up to her nose as the scent went around. "Uggh, I think he just made a poopie."

Luigi pulled a bag of diapers from out of nowhere. "Boy, I never thought I'd have to change my big brother's clothes for him."

"Y'know, that smell makes me think of my cologne - _Eau de Swamp_!" cracked Rash. The other two Battletoads laughed along with him at his groan-worthy joke.

"Quit clowning, you guys! This is serious!" Leonardo spouted a familiar line of his own from his and his brothers' cell. "We need to find some way to escape from these cells and defeat our enemies."

"I'll get us out of here! Those villains forgot to confiscate my backpack, and therefore they forgot _this!_" Ness took the Legendary Bat out of his backpack and said to his friends, "Step back, guys, this Bat packs an incredible punch!"

Link put his arms behind his hips. "Ah, the Eagleland kids are gonna break us out with their leader's baseball bat. This oughta be good."

Ness took a swing at the bars of the cell that was holding him and his companions. But the bars did not break apart. Rather, Ness' bat shook uncontrollably, and Ness shook along with it. Dropping the bat, Ness walked over to the wall behind his friends and pressed himself against it. Finally, after getting the shakiness out of him, he let go of the wall and collapsed.

Paula helped him up. "Are you alright?"

Ness dusted himself off. "Lemmie say one thing – it's a good thing I didn't use a _metallic_ bat on those bars."

Jago opened one eye from his state of meditation. "Your bat didn't work against the bars? They must be very heavy. Almost like they're made of diamond."

"Hey, _I_ wanted to say that," criticized Poo.

Samus Aran, stripped of her Power Suit, tried to bend the bars. "Maybe, if the villains hadn't taken away my Power Suit, I could easily blast us out of here."

Simon Belmont looked miffed. "You always have to state the obvious, don't you?"

Haley sighed. "I can't believe we even went to this stupid castle in the first place."

Corey stood up. "Well, it did seem rather obvious, considering Skill and Skull _do_ have the same consonants."

"Oh, it's no use!" wailed Toad. "Us heroes are never gonna get out of here and stop the villains from taking over NintendoLand."

"Wait a minute!" Mega Man yelled. "Toad! You just gave me an idea!"

"I did?"

"Maybe we can't get ourselves out of these cells," Mega Man explained (not noticing the rhyme he had just made), "but I know who can get out of here and retrieve some help!"

"Really?" said Link. "And just who would that be?"

"I'm glad you asked." Mega Man moved slightly to the right to show who he was talking about. "Eddie will go get help!"

The red Flip-Top sitting behind Mega Man awoke with a start. "I will?"

"How come you didn't mention him before?" asked Bluster.

"The plot wasn't demanding him earlier!" Mega Man answered. He turned to Eddie and gave him his directions. "Eddie, head back to Monstropolis and find help. When you do, get back here with them."

"Eh, can do!" Eddie saluted with his foot.

"Hang on!" yelled Mallow, walking through the bars of his cell. "Goombario, Lakilester, and I can fit through the bars. Why don't we come along for the ride?"

"Yeesh," said Lakilester. "I thought my girlfriend was the only one I needed to remind."

"Yeah!" said Goombario, jumping through the bars of his cell. "Can we?"

Mega Man shrugged. "Eh, I don't see any problem with it. But just to be safe, you'd better hide in Eddie."

"We're gonna hide in _him!_" Mallow was puzzled.

"Don't worry," said Eddie, opening his compartment. "I've delivered Mega Man lots of items before. Just hop in."

"Well, if you're sure," said Goombario, hopping into Eddie's storage compartment. Then Mallow did the same, and Lakilester followed suit.

"Atta boy, Eddie," said Mega Man. "Now get going!"

"Righto!" said Eddie, hopping out of the dungeon.

"So, until help arrives… what do you wanna do?" asked Corey.

Banjo scratched his chin. "I guess maybe we could discuss a few things that are noteworthy in a conversation."

"I know one," answered Michaelangelo. "Whatever happened to the Cookie Crook?"

Zitz was confused. "Who?"

"You know, the Cookie Crook, from the old Cookie Crisp cereal ads. Chip the Dog was his accomplice, and the Cookie Cop always put a halt to their cereal thefts. Nowadays, Chip seems to have reformed, I think."

"Y'know, for some reason," said Jeff, "I'm willing to bet that the disappearance of the Cookie Crook and has something to do with Sonny the Cuckoo Bird no longer wearing clothes."

"Maybe the Cookie Crook took Sonny's clothes to use for wardrobe while directing the Soggies' first movie, 'When Bird Poop Comes Alive'," Raphael cracked.

Diddy put his robotic hand to his chin. "Maybe you're right, Raphael. Maybe you're riiiight…"

0-0-0

Up above, the villains were having some interesting conversations of their own.

"Some takeover!" gloated Bowser. "I won't have to worry about those Super Mario boneheads no more, eh, Dedede?"

"Ah'll say!" said King Dedede. "And ah haven't met this many villains since the time Shredder and Ah got parts of the FoxBox broadcast code!"

Shredder was bewildered at what the penguin had just said. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember it, Saki?" Dedede explained. "An evil voice called us up, along with Dr. K., Dr. Ivo Robotnik, and Dial Bolic of the dMp! He gave all of us part of the FoxBox broadcast code 'cause he didn't like the fact that we kept losin' every week! 'Course, all our respective enemies managed to get the codes, but at least you didn't let the Turtles get away with it! But Ah couldn't but notice you were wearin' a lot 'o metallic armor."

Shredder scratched at his helmet. "I don't remember that."

"Oh. Musta been a different version of you, then!" said Dedede.

Escargoon, on the other hand, was raising a conversation with the bodiless head of Gruntilda. "Say, what's your story, Ms. Bones?"

"Sit down and listen to my tale of woe," Gruntilda rhymed. "It's a story I demand that you know!"

"Can you stop with that rhyming?" Escargoon complained. "It's getting' annoying."

"Oh, fine," Grunty said, switching out of her signature rhyme-speak. "I was once a normal girl, growing up in a certain country, along with my three sisters, Mingella, Blobbelda, and Brentilda, and our good friend Klungo. And life was getting quite boring there. I had already studied poetry, and was able to fluently speak in rhymes, so I had quickly bored of it. One day, Klungo told me and my sisters that he had read of a shaman named Mumbo Jumbo, who was supposedly one of the greatest voodoo witch doctors in the world. He resided close to Kongo Bongo Island, in a portal near a certain island, so I bought a boat named the Rusty Bucket, and we sailed to said island. Mumbo agreed to teach us his ways, but he mainly focused on good magic, which I got to be quite bored with. A few months into their course, he taught us a lesson on black magic, notifying us that it was easier to perform and might have had better results, but could result in horrible side effects. I persuaded my comrades to try our hands at it, and we agreed to practice it away from our mentor's watchful eye. But one day, that naïve nitwit Mumbo caught me using the evil powers. Having been converted to evil by the overuse of black magic, I viciously attacked him so badly he's been forced to wear a skull mask until the day I am killed, whenever that may be. Mingella and Blobbelda were also converted to evil, and Klungo wound up being turned into a hunchback-like ogre who liked to call me his mistress as he was becoming too lazy to say three syllables. But Brentilda, being the rather pansy one, seceded from our group for seeing the bad side of black magic. My sisters and I took over his island and named it the Isle o' Hags. Mingella and Blobbelda set up a hideout they called Cauldron Keep, while Klungo and I lived in a hideout which I named Gruntilda's Lair."

"Uh-huh," Escargoon muttered. "Well, I can see how you got to be a reject from a beauty pageant. But that doesn't explain why you look like the offspring of the Headless Horseman and a skeleton."

"I'm coming to the skeleton part," Grunty continued. "One fateful day, I was asking my cauldron, Dingpot, who was the prettiest in the land. Usually, he'd reply that I was just that. But on that day, he told me of a certain female bear cub named Tooty who was apparently cuter than me! So I swooped down on my broom and swiped her. Klungo and I had developed a machine I called the Beauty Tramsmogrofier, which I would use to have Tooty's beauty transferred to me – and any ugliness I had transferred to her! And it's most likely I would've done it, if not for the fact that her big lazy brother, Banjo, and his bad-mouthed companion, Kazooie, had set out to rescue her. When I saw that they had easily cleared the nine worlds within my fortress and gotten enough Jigsaw pieces to find me, I threw together a game show and set Tooty as a prize. I have a flair for game shows, too, y'know. Anyway, Banjo and his stupid bird somehow completed the game, and I retreated to the top of my tower. A few minutes later, they came up and defeated me!"

"Oh, really?" Escargoon interrupted. "What did they do? Throw a bucket of water on your flesh but not your bones?"

"No, no, don't be ridiculous," an annoyed Gruntilda answered. "I don't see why people think all witches are like the ones in that movie. They simply knocked me off the tower, and I fell through the ground in front of the lair. But before I could get out, a piece of masonry buried me there. I spent two years trapped under that rock, and that fool Klungo simply couldn't get it off. Fortunately for me, Mingella and Blobbelda showed up and uplifted the rock. But they should've come earlier, as my skin had rotted off during those twenty-four months. My sisters brought me over to their own castle, where they showed me their plans to get my body back. Using a contraption they called the Big Ol' Blaster, or B.O.B. for short, they would suck out the life forces of others and transfer it to me. But then that ridiculous bird and bear showed up again, and I had to delay them with another trivia game. I wound up squishing my sisters with 10-ton weights there, and then retreated to _that_ tower. I tried to use our digging machine, the Hag 1, against them, but they blew it up, and I lost my body along with it! That's how I got to be what I am today."

Escargoon clapped softly. "Well, that was… interesting."

"Bah! Some villainess you are!" the Dark Queen scoffed at Gruntilda. "At least I didn't lose anything important whenever I lost to those flipping Battletoads! Besides, I happen to have a fanboy harem of my own anyway."

"You… have… _fans?_ How do you get to be so lucky!" The Big Cheese got so steamed that he blew up right on the spot.

"Hey!" yelled Pokey Minch. "That talking wolf just exploded! We're one recruit less now!"

"Aaah, no big deal, pudgy," shrugged Evil Acorn. "He told me that happens to him all the time. Say, what's your story?"

"I was the creator of the great evil known as Giygas," Pokey answered. "I had the potential of domination and destruction, but I was defeated by that idiot who lived next door, his girlfriend, and those other two guys accompanying them! How 'bout you?"

"I, like Bowser does constantly, captured my own nemesis's girl," Evil Acorn replied. "I wound up getting blown off of the island. That's what I get for locking myself in my own hideout after planting a bomb in it! I've been swearing revenge ever since."

The seeming remains of the Big Cheese spoke up. "Uh, can someone find my legs and attach them back on?"

Wario and Waluigi, meanwhile, were talking with Jessie, James, and Meowth. "Eh… you guys have any special statistic?" asked Wario.

"No," James replied. "The Boss doesn't give us that, because we're constantly screwing up."

"Geez," said Waluigi, "do you really stink that much?"

"I'm afraid so," admitted Jessie.

"But dis is how we put a positive spin on it!" Meowth said, starting up a song.

"We're da best at bein' the woist!  
We're statistically number one!"  
James joined in. "Yes, a hundred percent..."  
"...Incompetent!" Jessie finished the sentence.  
"Hey, dat's never been done!" Meowth boomed.

"We're very good at bein' very bad.  
It's our grade of success dat's sadly been weak."  
"We'll just have to accept," started Jessie.  
"We're completely inept!" James finished.  
"But dat's what makes us so unique!" Meowth sang, pointing up his right index finger.

"We're the Hindenburgs of crime!" James lamented.  
"We crash and burn each and every time!" Jessie did the same.  
"Masters of disaster!" James declared.  
"No one screws up faster!" Jessie followed suit.  
"Hey!" They both chimed. "At failure we shiiiiiine!"

All three of them sang together at this point. "We're an imperfect ten!  
Team Rocket's blasting off again!  
So I guess we're just cursed!"  
Meowth broke away from his companions' singing, pulling a guitar from out of nowhere. "And youse hoid it here foist!"  
"We're the best at being the worst!" sang Jessie and James, in unison.

"Who'd guess we'd get so far…"  
"…By being completely sub-par?" asked James.  
"As losers we've raised the bar!" Jessie bragged.  
"Now we're superstars!" sang the both of them.

Wario and Waluigi looked at each other and rolled their eyes as Jessie and James started dancing around them. During that, Meowth made a bad attempt at serenading them, to a seemingly endless stream of "La da da dee dah dah…"

Finally, when Meowth had finished his serenading, Jessie and James stopped dancing and turned to the Warios. "We're the best at being the worst!"  
"At coming in last, we're always the first!" said Jessie.  
"Our flaws are top-drawer!" James went operatic.  
"We define Moiphy's Law!" Meowth raised his index finger again.  
"We're the best at being the worst!" All three of them went for a big finish.

"We're totally immersed,  
And incredibly well-versed,  
We're the best at being the worst!"

Wario looked at his brother. "I don't think I needed to hear that."

Just then, Dr. Wily's voice came over the crowd of evildoers. "Attention, please! Are you sick and tired of losing to your enemies each and every week?"

"Hmm! Ah heard that before!" commented Dedede.

"Well, you will now be beaten no longer!" Wily announced. "As of today, WE, THE VILLAINOUS INSIDIOUS CRAZED SCOUNDRELS OF NINTENDOLAND, RULE THIS UNIVERSE! And no one can stop us! Cue evil laughter."

All the villains did as Wily asked for. Bowser laughed evilly. Wario and Waluigi laughed evilly. Jessie, James, and Meowth laughed evilly. Black Bart laughed evilly. K. Rool laughed evilly. Shredder laughed evilly. King Dedede laughed evilly. Pokey laughed evilly. Gruntilda laughed evilly. The Big Cheese laughed evilly. Evil Acorn laughed evilly. The Dark Queen laughed evilly. But none of them noticed that something was hiding in the shadows. Or rather, someone.

Eddie watched as the villains all laughed evilly. "I guess we'd better make our move while they're distracted," he said to himself, and in a way, Mallow, Goombario, and Lakilester.

But although practically every villain in the room was cackling away, one of them was able to pay attention to what was going on. And he saw Eddie hopping away.

"Eh?" said Dr. Wily, from the platform on which he was announcing. "It's that Mega Moron's stupid little suitcase! He must be going for help!"

The villains all stopped laughing, and then looked and saw Eddie hopping out the exit.

"_D'OH!_" they all grunted, annoyed.

"Well, it's no matter. I have robots to handle a little shrimp like him," said Wily, reaching for his microphone. "Robot Masters Series Four! Get off your duffs and capture that Flip-Top!"

Upon hearing their boss's orders, the so-called Robot Masters Series Four leapt up from their stationary positions. These were the Robot Masters that Wily had built during his fourth attempt at global conquest – Bright Man, Pharoah Man, Drill Man, Ring Man, Toad Man, Dust Man, Dive Man, and Skull Man.

"Sure thing, boss." Skull Man, being a robot based off of skulls and skeletons, was pretty much considered the leader of this particular group of Robot Masters. "We'll skeletonize that little suitcase, and we'll skeletonize any contents he might have."

"That wasn't a very humorous pun there," Ring Man pointed out.

Dive Man stood firm. "It still beats any puns I've heard from the rest of youse."

"Oh yeah? My mummy always liked my jokes!" yelled Pharoah Man.

"That joke didn't even make sense!" nitpicked Toad Man. "We don't have mothers, not even biological ones!"

"Yeah, that line wasn't very bright!" joked Bright Man.

"Can we just cut to the chase already?" said Drill Man.

"I agree; I'm sick of standing here sucking up these bad puns!" complained Dust Man.

"Yeah! Let's get 'im, boys!" Skull Man declared.

Wily watched as the eight robots stormed out the door, then turned to the crowd of villains. "Now then… let the cackling continue!"

Silence.

"Uh, what was up with that long name you said back there?" asked Bowser. "The Villainous Insidious Crazed Scoundrels Of Nintendoland?"

"Yes, it sounds like an acronym or somethin' like that," interpreted the illiterate Dedede.

"The VICSON?" Shredder asked in disbelief. "That's not even a real word!"

"Hey, don't strain yourself, Saki," said K. Rool. "Some of my acronyms weren't real words either."

Wily sighed. "Never mind, then. Anybody up for some evil coffee and donuts?"

"Yeah, sure," all the villains shrugged.

"Oh, goodie!" smacked Black Bart. "Ah love mean food!"

0-0-0

In the treetops of Kongo Bongo Island, Cranky Kong, former video game star and King Kong wananbe, relaxed in front of his cabin. He was resting on his beach chair and wearing sunglasses. His old-school radio, with its clunky knobs, sat on the mini-table beside him, playing the classic tunes he was accustomed to.

"Aaaaaah," Cranky sighed. "The rest of the clan's at some Nintendo Heroes party, the crocs are nowhere in sight, and that bumbling rhino's down in the jungle. The Crystal Coconut is safe, and no one can spoil my peace and quiet."

Just then, the music on the radio stopped playing, and Cranky suddenly heard an announcer over the airwaves. "News flash! Several villains of Nintendoland have just taken over Nintendoland. They've banded together at Skull Castle, home of the insidious Dr. Wily, where they are currently holding all of their heroic enemies hostage. Among these are such evildoers as King Bowser Koopa, Black Bart, Oroku Saki, King Dedede…"

Cranky turned off the radio and tried to get comfortable again. "Bah! Sounds like another one of the fancy-looking video games all the kids are playing these days."

Suddenly, the sky grew dark, and ghostly music started up. Only it wasn't coming from the radio.

Cranky looked up from his chair and into his cabin. A ghastly specter was appearing above the case where the Crystal Coconut was held, making unsettling noises. Cranky recognized the howls easily. This was none other than the ghost of his deceased wife, Wrinkly.

"Will ya cut it out with that racket?" Cranky asked. "I'm tryin' to relax here. And you're stealing my hologram bit!"

"Hologram bit, nothing!" Wrinkly spoke, in her ghostly-sounding voice. "This is an urgent task, Cranky!"

"Well, get your average Joe to do it, 'cause I'm not gettin' out of this chair."

"You listen to me, Donkey!" Wrinkly's ghost yelled, calling her living husband by his given name. "These villains have imprisoned nearly all the heroes in this universe, and the last thing I want you doing is not doing anything about it!"

"Well, why should I?" Cranky grouched. "Those foolish heroes got themselves into this mess, and they can get themselves out of it!"

"Maybe so, but not this time," Wrinkly observed. "The ringleader of the villains has an entire army of robots at his disposal, and he has the heroes' weapons confiscated. The heroes can't break out so easily. As a former video game hero yourself, you ought to be helping them out, since they'd be willing to do the same for you."

Cranky sat up. "Really?"

"Maybe not, but you never know." And with that last statement, the ghost of Wrinkly Kong disappeared, and the surroundings returned to normal.

Cranky got out of his chair and grabbed his cane. "Well, I hate to admit it, but she's right! Those heroes need someone like me to get them out. Besides, I carry a big stick, and as long as I have that, no one will mess with me!"

But then, as he bent down for a second, his back cracked.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "Okay, maybe this task won't suit me alone. I'll need reinforcements."

Cranky went into his cabin and found his rotary-dial telephone. He reached out to touch someone.

"Hello, operator? Get me Meta Knight…"

* * *

Yeah, you'd think that a story that was on hiatus for so long would have a lot more plot development in this one repeatedly-delayed chapter. But at least there's a bit of it here, so you may know what to expect in the next chapter, which, hopefully, will not take as long to finish as this one did. 


End file.
